Person-forward language is a practical starting point. “Person with a disability” rather than “disabled person.” “Person who uses a wheelchair” rather than “wheelchair-bound.” These choices reflect how we see people: as whole individuals whose identity isn’t defined by a diagnosis or condition.
The same principle applies in conversation. If someone is in a wheelchair and has a caretaker with them, address the person directly — not through their caretaker. If someone is deaf and working with a sign language interpreter, make eye contact with the person speaking; the interpreter is there to facilitate, not to stand in for them. And if you find yourself uncertain how to engage with someone who has a visible physical characteristic, look at their face and talk to them. The disability shouldn’t be the subject unless they bring it up.
The decision about whether and when to disclose a disability belongs to the person who has it. Some people are open about their experience. Others aren’t, and that’s their call. Following their lead (rather than asking questions they didn’t invite) is how you demonstrate that you’re paying attention.
For anyone interested in developing these habits further, Marshall Rosenberg’s workbook Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life is worth reading. The core practice is straightforward: stay curious, reflect what you hear, and resist the assumption that you already know what someone else is experiencing. When someone says something unexpected, the first move is to listen and reflect back what you’re hearing — not to correct or reassure. That kind of attention is available to anyone, in any relationship.
These same habits (staying curious, following someone’s lead, not assuming you already know what they need) aren’t just useful in conversation. They’re also the foundation of how we practice therapy at HGI Counseling. In our final post in this series, you’ll gain an understanding of the connection between the two.